an illustration with the title "Just Between Us"

When Giving Goes Too Far

By Gina Jaber


I have decided that sharing is overrated. I’m not talking about sharing your lunch or your toys or even your money—rest assured, everything we learned in kindergarten is still good.

No, I’m talking about going out on a limb unnecessarily, out of genuine excitement and enthusiasm, sharing something or someone that you think is pretty terrific. Good intentions are always the starting place—but I’m starting to think that old saying is correct—maybe the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

My jaded attitude stems mostly from my frustrated history of being a matchmaker. For years, I attempted to connect lonely hearts. I somehow felt obligated to help those I love find their soul mates.That was mistake No. 1.

Mistake No. 2 was not having the parties involved sign a disclaimer agreeing not to hold me accountable for any broken hearts. Though some of my matches were successful, most were not. When break-up time came, I was inevitably back in the picture, feeling the sting of unstated blame. We all know breaking up is hard to do, but why was I experiencing it so directly? One minute I was a hero, the next, the culprit. So much for good intentions.

Change the backdrop, and the story is the same. I have, from time to time, recommended family or friends for job opportunities with people I know. It starts out exciting and promising on both ends, and occasionally it works out, but often results in disappointments and dashed hopes—and me in the middle. But of course.

I’ve learned that even sharing on trivial matters can get you burned. When oversharing— for example, the name of your hairdresser, your favorite babysitter, a reliable handyman—where does that get you? Last in line, if not out of line, for these

treasured, hard-to-find resources. Having said all that, I recognize that word-of-mouth is a basic, vital form of human connection. And, in defense of my instinctual desire to connect people, I’m told that 62 percent of marriages can be traced back to introductions by mutual friends, and that 56 percent of those employed found their jobs through personal connections.

Statistically, it’s clearly worth it to share. However, on a personal level, I’m not so sure. I just wish I could make certain that my “help” was met with 100 percent success, or a satisfaction guarantee.

More than likely I’ll abandon my no-more- sharing policy soon enough. It is hard to imagine that I could suffocate my zeal altogether, but for now I’m taking a break. I want to try not to violate my own peace and quiet by that ol’ desire to share.

E-mail Gina Jaber at ginajab@yahoo.com