Just Between Us

The (Fat) Envelope, Please

The High Anxiety of Higher Education

    By the time this column is in print, my oldest son should start hearing where he is (and isn’t) accepted to college next fall. Given what we’ve gone through so far, it’s hard to believe we’ll ever actually have some answers on the subject of college admissions. The application process and the suspense of waiting for replies have been just as nerve-wracking as many experienced parents and numerous articles promised they would be.
    In fact, we have been so thoroughly forewarned about the escalating admission insanity that we’ve had to adjust our expectations. It’s clear there is no longer a sure-fire formula for getting into a dream college; there are no guarantees. To use a current buzzword, acceptances have become a “lottery.” Through no fault of admissions staffs, at a certain point their decisions become arbitrary—it’s not personal. But the competition has, for sure, reached an unprecedented, heightened pitch, and my son’s generation is bearing the brunt.
    I had a serious eye-opener last summer when I met a delightful, community-serving, SAT-successful, athletic valedictorian who had been rejected by her top two school choices. Though I couldn’t fathom how that could be, I wasn’t overcome with a feeling of dread for the likelihood that my son, too, may be disappointed, but rather felt a sense of acceptance—of a new reality.
    In an effort to steel my son to this new reality, I have relayed to him how drastically things have changed since the days when his father and I were applying to colleges. The sheer number of applicants has skyrocketed: Pumped up by historic numbers of baby boomers’ children, this year’s and next year’s college application pools are the largest ever. Schools that were attainable in the recent past are fast becoming beyond reach. We’re told that in many cases, even when the requirements for getting into one’s first-choice school are met, the chances of getting in are slim. This information is not easy to accept, but it is what it is, and no high school senior is left behind in this unpredictable ride.
    Aside from acknowledging the maddening predicament that our generation’s offspring find themselves in, we also have to come up with a plan for how we will react to it. We can stress out and fret—as though we have control over any of this—or we can take a more basic, old-fashioned approach: We can simply tell our kids to “do their best.” That should be enough for all of us. That’s it. That’s all. That advice is basically a green light not to buy into the frenzy. As far as I’m concerned, it’s the most obvious—but often overlooked—answer to this rat race. And such a relief to boot!
    Lastly, I will share (or should I say confess) that my son has been much calmer than his parents throughout this process. He’s our first to go through this ordeal, and we obviously want the best for him. It’s just that sometimes it’s easy for the line to blur between what we parents want for our kids and what they want for themselves. But that’s another story for another day. For now, we’re just waiting for the mail, anxiously, but hopefully.