A photo of Gina Jaber.By Gina Jaber

Ever since I became a mother, one thing I've been meaning to tackle--besides cleaning out my basement--is getting over some useless fears. For years, I've put off the task, not knowing where to begin. But unlike a household project, my fear of freak accidents, serious injuries and (God forbid) death, can turn my stomach upside down, leaving me a bona fide worrywart. I swore I would never be like my parents, yet here I am.

After years of being a fretter, I have good news. I'm finally ready (though not by choice) to work on letting go of some of my futile fears and "buck up" as my son puts it. My eloquent teenager recently got his driver's license. And he's right; the time has come for me to rise to the occasion. Besides, what are my choices? To stress out every time he goes for a drive, call him on his cell phone every 30 minutes (and really endanger him) or show him my confidence in his driving skills, exhibit some faith and just "chill," to use his words again. Rationally, it is such an easy choice. Putting it into practice is the challenge.

As part of my fear-rehab, I have decided to surrender to the notion that I can't stop anything bad from happening to my son when he is on the road. I can't control the weather, other drivers or how loudly he'll play his music. Nor can I have all the sharp corners in the world rounded off and padded for him. However, what I can do is teach, preach and pray--and know that I've done my job.

During this taxing process, I've mulled over how a child's rite of passage is very much a parent's rite of passage. It's not always about them. We parents, too, go through drastic adjustments every step of the way as our children grow and explore. From the day they are born, our world is turned on overdrive, with every sensation and emotion heightened. Each juncture in their lives is for us a time when joy and terror chase each other incessantly. Their new territories, milestones, experimentations and growing pains are also ours, only magnified by the fact that we know how high the stakes are that accompany every exciting, sometimes frightening, new stage.

While accepting an inherent vulnerability that comes with being a parent, I have another sentiment that possibly rivals my fears. I don't know how to tell any of my children this next thought without sending a reckless, mixed message. But while safety and good judgment are critical, in my mind what is just as vital in this life is to not be afraid to push the limits (except speed limits), not to coast in life but to soar (except on the freeway), not to be afraid of taking risks (except when driving).

How can I be clear on my seemingly conflicting but equally important messages? I want to figure out how to tell my newly driving son to be ever so careful on the road but to live his life full-throttle. I think I'll sit on this for a while and tackle my basement first.

E-mail Gina Jaber at ginajab@yahoo.com.